Barnabas (Johnny Depp) has the world at his feet-or at least the town of Collinsport, Maine. The master of Collinwood Manor, Barnabas is rich, powerful and an inveterate playboy... until he makes the grave mistake of breaking the heart of Angelique Bouchard (Eva Green). A witch, in every sense of the word, Angelique dooms him to a fate worse than death: turning him into a vampire, and then burying him alive. Two centuries later, Barnabas is inadvertently freed from his tomb and emerges into the very changed world of 1972. He returns to Collinwood Manor to find that his once-grand estate has fallen into ruin. The dysfunctional remnants of the Collins family have fared little better, each harboring their own dark secrets.
"- I'm going to make an offer to you, Barnabas. My last. You can join me by my side and we can run Collinsport together as partners, and lovers... or I'll put you back in the box.
- I have already prepared my counter-proposal. It reads thusly: You may strategically place your wonderful lips upon my posterior and kiss it repeatedly!"
"- What do you think of the President?
- Never met him.
- What do you think of the war?
- I don't watch television.
- Do you think the sexes should be equal?
- Heavens, no. Men would become quite unmanageable.
- I think we're going to get along fine."
"You must have faith, Doctor. For if a man can become a monster, then a monster can become a man."
"Every year I get half as pretty and twice as drunk."
"- The Collins have always held the biggest and most expensive balls.
- That's what I've been saying, this family needs more balls!"